"Fear is like a fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you. It can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. Fear is your friend and your worst enemy."
Sui Ishida
The explosion of words behind the heavy oak door startled her more than once. She couldn't make out the words, but the intonations suggested that the news of the closed court wasn't taken very well. She kept her hand in a tight grip around the briefcase like it was a weapon and focused her eyes on the clock. So far they'd taken up twenty minutes of her preparation time and hadn't even come out to check and see if she was waiting. By the time the black arm rested just shy of the five on the face of the clock, the door opened.
Captain Larson had fire in her eyes that only showed in the slightly rescinded smile she gave as she gestured for Karen Cibella to entire the lion's den. She offered a curt nod and stood without bothering to smooth out her suit. Brisk steps brought her into the room that had been closed to her just a moment before. She saw the aftermath; an overturned cup of water, disheveled papers, and tension that hadn't lifted from the room.
"Detective," she began as she moved to set her briefcase down on the edge of the chair.
"Was this your call?" Brandon asked as he paced the narrow end of the room like he'd detonate if he stopped moving.
"I'm sorry?"
"Closed court," he started as he swept a hand over his mouth. "Did you ask for it?"
"I tried to explain to the detective," Captain Larson began as a way to mediate. "The importance of--"
"What you explained to me was bullshit," Brandon interrupted.
"Your life isn't bullshit," Karen said as she tried to stand firm. This version of the detective was who she'd expected to meet the first time. Half mad and prone to impulsive outbursts. She'd read through his files before she'd even approached the case to know what kind of animal she was going to be dealing with on the stand.
"Spare me," he snapped. "You and I both know there's nothing to be gained here. You're going to put me in a vulnerable position with my colleagues."
"I'm not sure that I follow."
"This is special treatment. I don't need to be coddled--"
"It's not about coddling, we've talked about this--"
"Captain, all due respect, but shut the fuck up." Brandon came to a full stop and set both of his hands on the end of the table that separated them. Its oak face an ocean that he didn't feel comfortable crossing even if his demeanor suggested otherwise.
"If you intend to work undercover ever again, that court room has to be cleared," Captain Larson continued as though his outburst hadn't caused her to flare her nostrils. "Correct your tone."
"Given the fact that you were targeted in a recent break in, it's best to keep the room cleared," Karen added. "It's for safety reasons."
"It's what you're going to spin to them so Ludvall doesn't take me by the throat for going after Bohdan in that room." Brandon pulled at the already loose tie around his neck. The room was increasing in heat as they spoke.
"That wasn't a smart move on your part," Karen agreed as she cracked open her briefcase. "We also need to discuss what I need to know about the case that's going to damage your credibility."
"The fact that I'd rather kill him than put him in jail for one."
"You're going to have to modify that impulse before you take the stand. I can offer up a statement instead if you'd feel more--"
"No. Let him see me. I don't need to hide and besides," Brandon said with a laugh. "He already knows my name. If you were worried about anyone threatening me, you should've thought about that before you let the defense go through all of the old case files."
"This is a safer--"
"Counselor, there isn't a safe way to do anything. They put you on TV in a high profile case, you'll get death threats. You make a major arrest, they'll know your face. The city isn't a safe place. The world isn't a safe place and the sooner you learn to be on the defensive instead of stuck in some fantasy land, the better." He moved around the table dead set on the door when Captain Larson blocked his path. The brush between them came dangerously close to an altercation. "We're done here."
"Detective," both women said in unison.
"I said we're done."
Captain Larson had fire in her eyes that only showed in the slightly rescinded smile she gave as she gestured for Karen Cibella to entire the lion's den. She offered a curt nod and stood without bothering to smooth out her suit. Brisk steps brought her into the room that had been closed to her just a moment before. She saw the aftermath; an overturned cup of water, disheveled papers, and tension that hadn't lifted from the room.
"Detective," she began as she moved to set her briefcase down on the edge of the chair.
"Was this your call?" Brandon asked as he paced the narrow end of the room like he'd detonate if he stopped moving.
"I'm sorry?"
"Closed court," he started as he swept a hand over his mouth. "Did you ask for it?"
"I tried to explain to the detective," Captain Larson began as a way to mediate. "The importance of--"
"What you explained to me was bullshit," Brandon interrupted.
"Your life isn't bullshit," Karen said as she tried to stand firm. This version of the detective was who she'd expected to meet the first time. Half mad and prone to impulsive outbursts. She'd read through his files before she'd even approached the case to know what kind of animal she was going to be dealing with on the stand.
"Spare me," he snapped. "You and I both know there's nothing to be gained here. You're going to put me in a vulnerable position with my colleagues."
"I'm not sure that I follow."
"This is special treatment. I don't need to be coddled--"
"It's not about coddling, we've talked about this--"
"Captain, all due respect, but shut the fuck up." Brandon came to a full stop and set both of his hands on the end of the table that separated them. Its oak face an ocean that he didn't feel comfortable crossing even if his demeanor suggested otherwise.
"If you intend to work undercover ever again, that court room has to be cleared," Captain Larson continued as though his outburst hadn't caused her to flare her nostrils. "Correct your tone."
"Given the fact that you were targeted in a recent break in, it's best to keep the room cleared," Karen added. "It's for safety reasons."
"It's what you're going to spin to them so Ludvall doesn't take me by the throat for going after Bohdan in that room." Brandon pulled at the already loose tie around his neck. The room was increasing in heat as they spoke.
"That wasn't a smart move on your part," Karen agreed as she cracked open her briefcase. "We also need to discuss what I need to know about the case that's going to damage your credibility."
"The fact that I'd rather kill him than put him in jail for one."
"You're going to have to modify that impulse before you take the stand. I can offer up a statement instead if you'd feel more--"
"No. Let him see me. I don't need to hide and besides," Brandon said with a laugh. "He already knows my name. If you were worried about anyone threatening me, you should've thought about that before you let the defense go through all of the old case files."
"This is a safer--"
"Counselor, there isn't a safe way to do anything. They put you on TV in a high profile case, you'll get death threats. You make a major arrest, they'll know your face. The city isn't a safe place. The world isn't a safe place and the sooner you learn to be on the defensive instead of stuck in some fantasy land, the better." He moved around the table dead set on the door when Captain Larson blocked his path. The brush between them came dangerously close to an altercation. "We're done here."
"Detective," both women said in unison.
"I said we're done."
MS. CIBELLA: The State would call Detective 3632.
THE COURT: Due to the nature of both the collection of evidence and the detective's current roll within the New York Police Department, the detective will only be referred to by badge number.
3632, called in as a witness on behalf of the State, being duly sworn testifies as follows.
DIRECT EXAMINATION BY MS. CIBELLA:
Q. Good morning detective.
A. Good morning.
Q. Detective, where are you employed and in what capacity?
A. I am a detective in the Narcotics Division of the New York Police Department.
Q. Directing your attention to the events between 2008 and 2010, in what capacity were you working then?
A. I was assigned to the Organized Crime Control Bureau as an undercover officer.
Q. Can you describe to me the nature of your work as an undercover officer?
A. Sure. I was instructed to make small purchases of narcotics from known suspects and then report back. During this period of time specifically, I was asked to infiltrate a known group of individuals suspected of synthesizing MDMA. Bohdan Sirko was among that group.
Q. I see, and you can identify that man in the court room today?
A. The defendant.
Q. When did you first meet the defendant, Mr. Sirko?
A. I believe around 2008. I was introduced to him through a mutual connect.
Q. Can you state the nature of Mr. Sirko's relevance to your operation?
A. He was their supplies coordinator. The chemicals they needed for production were shipped in through Ukrainian transport run by Malina. As stated in my report, I was approached by his partners to eliminate him from their group and take his place under the assumption that I could provide supplies.
Q. Referring to Michael Cadore, correct?
A. That's correct.
Q. What was your assignment in regards to Mr. Sirko from Mr. Cadore?
A. I was to befriend him and eliminate him by any means necessary.
Q. Can you tell me about the events that led to Mr. Sirko's home in Orange County being issued search and seizure?
A. Sure. Mr. Sirko has a certain proclivity that falls under child endangerment. He had a total of twelve girls that I saw physically myself kept hostage in that home along with over two hundred films that depict child pornography from various ages. Mr. Sirko asked me, under the guise of friendship, if I would be willing to break in some of the girls.
Q. Mr. Sirko asked you to engage in sexual assault of a minor, is that correct?
A. That is correct, counselor, with Marissa Turner.
Q. Can you tell the court who Marissa Turner is?
A. Marissa Turner is one of the known survivors of assault inflicted by Mr. Sirko. She worked as a child prostitute for him during this time.
Q. When did he show you the films?
A. Two weeks prior to his search and seizure.
Q. How did this effect your original investigation?
A. It caused the termination of my original investigation prematurely.
Q. I see, and did you make this decision yourself?
A. No, I was advised by my superior officers to terminate the investigation and a team would attempt to make an arrest on Mr. Sirko.
Q. So you were not told to make an arrest yourself, is that correct?
A. That is correct. It would have compromised my identity.
Q. Can you tell me what happened during the seizure?
A. I instructed the team as to what house was there and where the girls were. When they came to make an arrest Mr. Sirko had already fled the country. It is my belief that he had an inside source within the department who passed on information to him.
Q. I'd like to direct your attention to the night of August 5th, 2011. Can you tell the court what happened to you?
A. I was--
Q. Can you lean forward please, so we can hear you?
A. Sorry. I was off duty following the verdict of Cadore's trial when I was gunned down in a vehicle by two men. I was shot once in the chest and once in the hip. At the time, I was under the impression that it had been a targeted attack from Cadore himself.
Q. What caused you to think otherwise?
A. Mr. Sirko told me the night of his arrest that it had been him.
Q. Mr. Sirko told you that he had attempted to murder you in 2011?
A. That's correct.
Q. Thank you, detective. No further questions at this time.
THE COURT: Mr. Ludvall.
MR. LUDVALL: Thank you, your Honor.
CROSS EXAMINATION BY MR. LUDVALL:
Q. Good afternoon, detective.
A. Afternoon.
Q. How long have you been a detective?
A. Roughly nine years.
Q. And before that, you were a patrol officer?
A. Correct.
Q. Do you like your present position better than your prior position?
A. I'm not sure I understand the question.
Q. Do you like being a detective more than patrol?
A. Either position has its benefits.
Q. You've made more arrests as a detective than a patrolmen is that correct?
A. Correct.
Q. And you don't feel that you enjoy one over the other?
A. I don't do detective work to get accolades if that's the reference in this question.
Q. How do you feel about the people when you have to arrest them?
A. My personal feelings?
Q. Your personal feelings, detective.
A. I remain as neutral as possible. It's part of the job to make an arrest.
Q. So you'd say that it's not your job to like them?
A. It's not my job to like or dislike someone, it's my job to make an arrest based on the person's activity.
Q. So then, how would you explain your dislike for my client?
MS. CIBELLA: Objection, your Honor.
THE COURT: Sustained. Counselor, reword.
MR. LUDVALL: Do your personal feelings come into play when testifying against Mr. Sirko?
A. No. My personal feelings have no bearing on the fact that he's on these tapes with underage children. Seventeen of whom are dead and were identified on these tapes.
Q. Could you explain your relationship to Ms. Turner?
A. Professional. Ms. Turner is a victim of your client.
Q. Could you explain to the court what you outlined in Exhibit D-1 as the simulated rape of Ms. Turner?
A. As I stated, Mr. Sirko asked me to break in some of the girls, meaning rape them. He introduced me to Ms. Turner who I pinned down and explained that I was not going to hurt her.
Q. You're a fairly large man, that's an accurate assessment correct?
A. I was a little smaller during this time.
Q. And you overpowered a minor, but explained you were not going to hurt her?
A. That's correct.
Q. I see. Can you explain to the court, the protocol for substance ingestion while working?
A. The protocol is that when you are undercover you do a lot of things you're asked to do that may be illegal.
Q. So you are given license to ingest narcotics, is that what you're saying?
A. I'm saying that it happens, but there are rehabilitation programs mandatory for all undercover officers. I detailed in my report every time I ingested anything given to me.
Q. So you admit that you broke the law?
A. I had to, my credibility and at times life, depended on it.
Q. So then, could you haven broken the law with Ms. Turner as well?
A. I terminated my operation because of Ms. Turner, counselor.
-- TRANSCRIPT CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE --
THE COURT: Due to the nature of both the collection of evidence and the detective's current roll within the New York Police Department, the detective will only be referred to by badge number.
3632, called in as a witness on behalf of the State, being duly sworn testifies as follows.
DIRECT EXAMINATION BY MS. CIBELLA:
Q. Good morning detective.
A. Good morning.
Q. Detective, where are you employed and in what capacity?
A. I am a detective in the Narcotics Division of the New York Police Department.
Q. Directing your attention to the events between 2008 and 2010, in what capacity were you working then?
A. I was assigned to the Organized Crime Control Bureau as an undercover officer.
Q. Can you describe to me the nature of your work as an undercover officer?
A. Sure. I was instructed to make small purchases of narcotics from known suspects and then report back. During this period of time specifically, I was asked to infiltrate a known group of individuals suspected of synthesizing MDMA. Bohdan Sirko was among that group.
Q. I see, and you can identify that man in the court room today?
A. The defendant.
Q. When did you first meet the defendant, Mr. Sirko?
A. I believe around 2008. I was introduced to him through a mutual connect.
Q. Can you state the nature of Mr. Sirko's relevance to your operation?
A. He was their supplies coordinator. The chemicals they needed for production were shipped in through Ukrainian transport run by Malina. As stated in my report, I was approached by his partners to eliminate him from their group and take his place under the assumption that I could provide supplies.
Q. Referring to Michael Cadore, correct?
A. That's correct.
Q. What was your assignment in regards to Mr. Sirko from Mr. Cadore?
A. I was to befriend him and eliminate him by any means necessary.
Q. Can you tell me about the events that led to Mr. Sirko's home in Orange County being issued search and seizure?
A. Sure. Mr. Sirko has a certain proclivity that falls under child endangerment. He had a total of twelve girls that I saw physically myself kept hostage in that home along with over two hundred films that depict child pornography from various ages. Mr. Sirko asked me, under the guise of friendship, if I would be willing to break in some of the girls.
Q. Mr. Sirko asked you to engage in sexual assault of a minor, is that correct?
A. That is correct, counselor, with Marissa Turner.
Q. Can you tell the court who Marissa Turner is?
A. Marissa Turner is one of the known survivors of assault inflicted by Mr. Sirko. She worked as a child prostitute for him during this time.
Q. When did he show you the films?
A. Two weeks prior to his search and seizure.
Q. How did this effect your original investigation?
A. It caused the termination of my original investigation prematurely.
Q. I see, and did you make this decision yourself?
A. No, I was advised by my superior officers to terminate the investigation and a team would attempt to make an arrest on Mr. Sirko.
Q. So you were not told to make an arrest yourself, is that correct?
A. That is correct. It would have compromised my identity.
Q. Can you tell me what happened during the seizure?
A. I instructed the team as to what house was there and where the girls were. When they came to make an arrest Mr. Sirko had already fled the country. It is my belief that he had an inside source within the department who passed on information to him.
Q. I'd like to direct your attention to the night of August 5th, 2011. Can you tell the court what happened to you?
A. I was--
Q. Can you lean forward please, so we can hear you?
A. Sorry. I was off duty following the verdict of Cadore's trial when I was gunned down in a vehicle by two men. I was shot once in the chest and once in the hip. At the time, I was under the impression that it had been a targeted attack from Cadore himself.
Q. What caused you to think otherwise?
A. Mr. Sirko told me the night of his arrest that it had been him.
Q. Mr. Sirko told you that he had attempted to murder you in 2011?
A. That's correct.
Q. Thank you, detective. No further questions at this time.
THE COURT: Mr. Ludvall.
MR. LUDVALL: Thank you, your Honor.
CROSS EXAMINATION BY MR. LUDVALL:
Q. Good afternoon, detective.
A. Afternoon.
Q. How long have you been a detective?
A. Roughly nine years.
Q. And before that, you were a patrol officer?
A. Correct.
Q. Do you like your present position better than your prior position?
A. I'm not sure I understand the question.
Q. Do you like being a detective more than patrol?
A. Either position has its benefits.
Q. You've made more arrests as a detective than a patrolmen is that correct?
A. Correct.
Q. And you don't feel that you enjoy one over the other?
A. I don't do detective work to get accolades if that's the reference in this question.
Q. How do you feel about the people when you have to arrest them?
A. My personal feelings?
Q. Your personal feelings, detective.
A. I remain as neutral as possible. It's part of the job to make an arrest.
Q. So you'd say that it's not your job to like them?
A. It's not my job to like or dislike someone, it's my job to make an arrest based on the person's activity.
Q. So then, how would you explain your dislike for my client?
MS. CIBELLA: Objection, your Honor.
THE COURT: Sustained. Counselor, reword.
MR. LUDVALL: Do your personal feelings come into play when testifying against Mr. Sirko?
A. No. My personal feelings have no bearing on the fact that he's on these tapes with underage children. Seventeen of whom are dead and were identified on these tapes.
Q. Could you explain your relationship to Ms. Turner?
A. Professional. Ms. Turner is a victim of your client.
Q. Could you explain to the court what you outlined in Exhibit D-1 as the simulated rape of Ms. Turner?
A. As I stated, Mr. Sirko asked me to break in some of the girls, meaning rape them. He introduced me to Ms. Turner who I pinned down and explained that I was not going to hurt her.
Q. You're a fairly large man, that's an accurate assessment correct?
A. I was a little smaller during this time.
Q. And you overpowered a minor, but explained you were not going to hurt her?
A. That's correct.
Q. I see. Can you explain to the court, the protocol for substance ingestion while working?
A. The protocol is that when you are undercover you do a lot of things you're asked to do that may be illegal.
Q. So you are given license to ingest narcotics, is that what you're saying?
A. I'm saying that it happens, but there are rehabilitation programs mandatory for all undercover officers. I detailed in my report every time I ingested anything given to me.
Q. So you admit that you broke the law?
A. I had to, my credibility and at times life, depended on it.
Q. So then, could you haven broken the law with Ms. Turner as well?
A. I terminated my operation because of Ms. Turner, counselor.
-- TRANSCRIPT CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE --
Nausea hit Brandon hard for the first time in nearly six years. In the bathroom of the court house, he struggled to maintain the contents of his stomach as he looked at himself in the mirror. Bright eyes were nearly burning and his skin had the clammy grey sheen it always took on when he'd been put through the paces. He splashed water on his face and gripped both sides of the sink.
"Get it together you piece of shit," he growled at himself and swept a towel over his face.
Clean shaven with a briefcase and his tie noosed back to its original position, he looked like any of the other legal teams going in and out of the halls of justice that day but he couldn't shake the feeling that Ludvall had given to him. A pitbull, he knew the man would go for the jugular but bringing those things up in court again opened old wounds.
He felt the drift at work as well. Closed court cases always caused that kind of suspicion; what did he have to hide that no one could drop in on? Not only that but the amount of time he'd spent with his captain behind closed doors made people wonder. He couldn't help but think back to his days when he'd first arrived. About Johnson. About the rat in his locker.
Days later, he was back in a room with Karen Cibella. The court had requested to call Marissa Turner to testify which meant that he needed to provide the information he knew about her.
"I don't think you should call her," Brandon said as Karen folded the piece of paper he'd written on and stuck it in her pocket.
"She's invaluable, detective."
"You have what you need from the evidence. There's no way he's going to walk."
"It's more than just child pornography. We only found one body on the property, there are more bodies that need the same kind of justice. More families who need that closure."
"She's trying to start over," Brandon replied. "Don't we owe her that?"
"Don't you think she also deserves to help put him away? I read the reports, if the man did half the things you described--"
"I watched all of the videos. Every single one. What I put in the reports are delicate in comparison," Brandon interrupted.
"Then you should understand why it's important," Karen replied as she straightened. "Not every victim gets to have a voice you know. Let her have hers."
"There's a chance that she won't answer."
"I've got to try at least."
He waited until he got into the parking garage before he sent a short text to the cell phone that he'd given to Marissa on her way out of the city. The message was succinct but carried enough weight: say yes. Despite his own apprehension, Karen was right. Marissa deserved a chance to face Bohdan Sirko and look him in the eye while she nailed the final nail into his coffin lid.
"Get it together you piece of shit," he growled at himself and swept a towel over his face.
Clean shaven with a briefcase and his tie noosed back to its original position, he looked like any of the other legal teams going in and out of the halls of justice that day but he couldn't shake the feeling that Ludvall had given to him. A pitbull, he knew the man would go for the jugular but bringing those things up in court again opened old wounds.
He felt the drift at work as well. Closed court cases always caused that kind of suspicion; what did he have to hide that no one could drop in on? Not only that but the amount of time he'd spent with his captain behind closed doors made people wonder. He couldn't help but think back to his days when he'd first arrived. About Johnson. About the rat in his locker.
Days later, he was back in a room with Karen Cibella. The court had requested to call Marissa Turner to testify which meant that he needed to provide the information he knew about her.
"I don't think you should call her," Brandon said as Karen folded the piece of paper he'd written on and stuck it in her pocket.
"She's invaluable, detective."
"You have what you need from the evidence. There's no way he's going to walk."
"It's more than just child pornography. We only found one body on the property, there are more bodies that need the same kind of justice. More families who need that closure."
"She's trying to start over," Brandon replied. "Don't we owe her that?"
"Don't you think she also deserves to help put him away? I read the reports, if the man did half the things you described--"
"I watched all of the videos. Every single one. What I put in the reports are delicate in comparison," Brandon interrupted.
"Then you should understand why it's important," Karen replied as she straightened. "Not every victim gets to have a voice you know. Let her have hers."
"There's a chance that she won't answer."
"I've got to try at least."
He waited until he got into the parking garage before he sent a short text to the cell phone that he'd given to Marissa on her way out of the city. The message was succinct but carried enough weight: say yes. Despite his own apprehension, Karen was right. Marissa deserved a chance to face Bohdan Sirko and look him in the eye while she nailed the final nail into his coffin lid.
Seated in the back, he listened to the grandiose speeches offered about how the dissolution of his current bracket of occupation would be a good thing. For years, he'd wondered about what he would do if the day ever came that he could leave Narcotics with a clear conscience and now that the day was there, he wanted nothing more than to reverse the decision.
In Captain Larson's office, he was given two options. He could remain with Manhattan in the gang unit, or he could join part of the task force with the Special Investigations Bureau. These were the two options that required little to no effort on his part; he could simply walk into the department with all the credentials needed to ensure a safe transition.
Or he could rot.
He could stay at a desk and eventually get reassigned to anotehr division like Homicide and hope that a task force was created he could volunteer for. He could take a demotion or he could transition into a supervisor position but neither of those were guaranteed given his reluctance to take the sergeant's exam and general demeanor when it came to dealing with patrol.
He took the rest day off and spent it with Nicky Chandler, who informed him that the jury was beginning deliberations on his case. The sooner they came back with a guilty verdict, the better.
"You know what you're going to do?" Nic asked as he skipped a stone along the gravel where they'd parked. "You know we'll always take you back."
"It wasn't your decision to make me leave in the first place. Truth be told, I don't know what to do," Bandon replied back to him. "Part of me says keep the desk, keep your head down and eventually you'll be able to start living on your pension and the other part of me..."
"Wants Narco Gang Unit," Nic finished where Brandon trailed off. "You know what I'm going to say so I won't. Just think about it, Katze."
"If I compromise with SIB, I want to do what I'm doing now. I'm good at what I do now." Brandon picked up a rock and flung it toward one of the cement pillars that upheld the overpass. It ricocheted with a loud clack and fell to the ground.
"You could be good at living too," Nic offered. "You know either of those are a death sentence. NGU will just get you there faster."
"I've been on borrowed time for years."
"And we're all still hoping that you'll learn how to use that second chance." Nic sighed and turned to face him. "Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your career. You want to get shot up every other Tuesday, that's on you but if you're asking me for my input as a colleague and a friend? I'm going to tell you to apply for the exam and ride the pine until you can go somewhere else. Call me a pussy if you want to, but I know what happens to those guys, you and I have both seen it. You don't come back from that the same."
"I don't think it'll matter when the transcripts are released to be honest with you, but I'm a hunter Nic. I've always been."
"I know," Nic replied. "But right now, you've got a chance to be more than that."
In Captain Larson's office, he was given two options. He could remain with Manhattan in the gang unit, or he could join part of the task force with the Special Investigations Bureau. These were the two options that required little to no effort on his part; he could simply walk into the department with all the credentials needed to ensure a safe transition.
Or he could rot.
He could stay at a desk and eventually get reassigned to anotehr division like Homicide and hope that a task force was created he could volunteer for. He could take a demotion or he could transition into a supervisor position but neither of those were guaranteed given his reluctance to take the sergeant's exam and general demeanor when it came to dealing with patrol.
He took the rest day off and spent it with Nicky Chandler, who informed him that the jury was beginning deliberations on his case. The sooner they came back with a guilty verdict, the better.
"You know what you're going to do?" Nic asked as he skipped a stone along the gravel where they'd parked. "You know we'll always take you back."
"It wasn't your decision to make me leave in the first place. Truth be told, I don't know what to do," Bandon replied back to him. "Part of me says keep the desk, keep your head down and eventually you'll be able to start living on your pension and the other part of me..."
"Wants Narco Gang Unit," Nic finished where Brandon trailed off. "You know what I'm going to say so I won't. Just think about it, Katze."
"If I compromise with SIB, I want to do what I'm doing now. I'm good at what I do now." Brandon picked up a rock and flung it toward one of the cement pillars that upheld the overpass. It ricocheted with a loud clack and fell to the ground.
"You could be good at living too," Nic offered. "You know either of those are a death sentence. NGU will just get you there faster."
"I've been on borrowed time for years."
"And we're all still hoping that you'll learn how to use that second chance." Nic sighed and turned to face him. "Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your career. You want to get shot up every other Tuesday, that's on you but if you're asking me for my input as a colleague and a friend? I'm going to tell you to apply for the exam and ride the pine until you can go somewhere else. Call me a pussy if you want to, but I know what happens to those guys, you and I have both seen it. You don't come back from that the same."
"I don't think it'll matter when the transcripts are released to be honest with you, but I'm a hunter Nic. I've always been."
"I know," Nic replied. "But right now, you've got a chance to be more than that."
